What is it all about.....

TLC( Travelling and living channel) is taking most of my time these days. Man Vs Food and MasterChef are great entertaining shows. I am really jealous of the guy who is moving along middle east for travelling. Some NDTV good times show i guess its name is the Highway ka zaika something with two guys is awesome. Radiohead when plays super cool beats, i just couldnt resist listening to kishore kumar when i am driving. Nice relaxing days, wish these things are necessary for survival inside home. What happens to a guy who casually likes to roam around about 60 kms every day after the the work is over! It becomes tough. However i am enjoying the attention of the family after so much of running around for years now. Change in itself is a sublte process for me as i like to take a pause in between just to track my progress.

But here something which i have to admit when a friend told me that i am not a superman! Its bit cliched thing to say but i first had a laugh and then he asked me to seriously think about it. Its was necessary for me to pay heed to him. Ya he's true. We later had a nice discussion about it and we realised that last few years when everything was happening at a pace we had actually lost into it.  Now when all that pace and things have reduced its bit overbearing on the self to demand more hmmm.... fun.

So its all about lay back, relaxing and having some happy family time. Gotta learn it and give back fast!

Wierd Fishes - RadioHead

In the deepest ocean


The bottom of the sea

Your eyes

They turn me

Why should i stay here?

Why should i stay?

I'd be crazy not to follow

Follow where you lead



Your eyes

They turn me

Turn me on to phantoms

I follow to the edge of the earth

And fall off

Yeah, everybody leaves

If they get the chance

And this is my chance

I get eaten by the worms

And weird fishes

Picked over by the worms

And weird fishes

Weird fishes

Weird fishes



I hit the bottom

Hit the bottom and escape

I hit the bottom

Hit the bottom to escape

Escape

Creep- Radiohead

When you were here before, 
Couldn't look you in the eye
You're just like an angel, 
Your skin makes me cry

You float like a feather
In a beautiful world
I wish I was special
You're so fuckin' special

But I'm a creep, 
I'm a weirdo
What the hell am I doin' here?
I don't belong here

I don't care if it hurts, 
I wanna have control
I want a perfect body 
I want a perfect soul

I want you to notice 
when I'm not around
You're so fuckin' special
I wish I was special

But I'm a creep
I'm a weirdo
What the hell am I doin' here?
I don't belong here, ohhhh, ohhhh

She's running out again
She's running out
She run run run run...
run... run...

Whatever makes you happy
Whatever you want
You're so fuckin' special
I wish I was special

But I'm a creep, 
I'm a weirdo
What the hell am I doin' here?
I don't belong here

I don't belong here...

Is not Funny huh!!!

I am running....hard....sweating profusly.....along the boundary of the football ground manuevering the ball just along the edge of it so that i dont make a false to give advantage to the opposition. I slid the ball the centre half bloke who's come quite forward now. He's accosted by two heavily built defenders. He passes it on to his left who's just about the corner. I take a relief because he is my best bet, my best mate and ya the captain of the team. Now what he too is blocked. Now is the moment. I shout his name with a slang and it works as a icing on the cake. He's in deep shit and look who he will count on- Me.
Nay! He passes the ball backwards. I almost choke myself with so many words coming out at the same time that the outcome was just gibberish.
Now the ball is with our rock solid defence guy and he maneverers with the opposition so easily as if doing a tango with his girl and guess what he shoots the ball so hard that it crosses half a dozen dumbasses to make them look so timid and helpless to see a very accurate pass to ME.

I am just near the goal and all the eyes are on me. In the audiences dudes are shouting my pet name- DOGA. Yes DOGA-DOGA-DOGA!!!
By the way DOGA is the famous comics character with face of what a doberman! Its quite relevant observation you see because of my unsual connection with dogs.

Now where was I. Ya near the goal and people shouting my name. Its ringing bells for me. Now or never. One goal and the team will be through thats the plan. Quite unlike i hold back my laugh with the infamous scene fo chak de India shahrukh's tip. Its quite stupid naturally! 
My eyes met with the goalkeeper. He's my enemy; i recall. If i go near the D area. He surely will punch me the chest. I have to take the chances from a distance. This is the only plan.

I take a shoot, very hard, I mean with all i have got. I feel the thump in my thigh when i do it.

The football perfectly glides in the air with a slight inswing and passing the goalkeeper. Yes i rejoice in my mind.
Ball hits the goal but to my utter disbelief it hits the goal post instead!!!! What the heck!

It rebounds and there came the saviour- Chetan Pare. He pushes the ball back into the goal.

Its a GOAL!!!

People hold him up and i feel proud that like always chetan completes my undone things into completion!!!

My sweat begins to evapourate and cools me infinitely. Suddenly the humid hot weather turns into a winter breezed type for me. My Enemy and  Goalkeeper of opposition later explains me in the washroom that this is what we call sexy football thing. So we shook hands, only to see for the next match tommorow!

Later in the night i recite following lines-

Just because I'm losing


Doesn't mean I'm lost

Doesn't mean I'll stop

Doesn't mean I'm across



Just because I'm hurting

Doesn't mean I'm hurt

Doesn't mean I didn't get what I deserved

No better and no worse



I just got lost!

Every river that I tried to cross

Every door I ever tried was locked

Oh and I'm just waiting til the shine wears off



You might be a big fish

In a little pond

Doesn't mean you've won

'Cause along may come

A bigger one



And you'll be lost!

Every river that you tried to cross

Every gun you ever held went off

Oh and I'm just waiting til the firing's stopped

Oh and I'm just waiting til the shine wears off

Confidence and Choco-MilkShake

Some time ago, i thought i could never write poems. Now when i do it i feel how does time gets you to do things which you might not even have a clue about. In a fraction of second i can get myself sitting under a tree and having that chocolate milkshake.
"There is a very thin line seperating confidence and stupidity. Act with patience and reason." I know this was what my hindi teacher told me once when i would sprung up upon anything asked in the class just to make my presence known. I did not gave a heed to the advice and took it as a compliment instead!
Years later i know i went in a barmuda to give an interview for campus interviews. My peer group was happy and i too thought it was cool. I was clearly a schumk! lol
Just one year later i found myself packed in a stupid executive suit for 2 years and that made me think about burmuda episode. Time is an intellegent and harsh teacher. It makes us grow older than our biological age.
What more... i just badly need that chocoshake shake. Seriously i never thought that i would have to long for a chocoshake for 8 months-2 hours and still counting...
Irony of life has a very dry sense of humor and i want to shout hard that i dont like its stupid jokes.

The way you look right now....

I dream on..and then i wake up and i find your eyes infront of me. I look them inside, the patterns and circles;i dont want to look around ; i just want to wallow in that ocean. Then i notice birds chirping, warm afternoon after a cool night and we are sitting in the field. Tall grasses but i can see huge mountains at some distance. I look up in the sky and its blue ya... hazy blue!
Again i see you and you are gone... poof! Just like that. I am baffled but not panicking and console myself that you may be here some where.
Where are you?
Beside that tree. I call your name and tell you to not play games with me. But i cant hear you. Then i stand up and try to get a glipmse of yours.
What is this place. Where i am? I look at my hands and then at my palms. They seem to be alright.
Why i am all blue. This shirt is mine.. Is it? Ya its mine , i recall. 

There there is this very warm wind that falls on my face and now i am totally confused. Just like the way i feel before i jump of a cliff or press the throttle in order to get more wind.

I just want to see you. Then i hear you laughing. Ya that muffled voice as if you are trying hard to not to make a noise. I run in that direction but i am not getting tired and i see myself running very hard as if it is for life.

Suddenly i hear your voice all around me and i close my ears hard with my hands. But i am still hearing them. And i remember that i am shouting as hard as i could but all i hear is you. There no escape.
I close my eyes and try to concentrate to be in senses and after some time those voices go off. But when i open the eyes i see you. And you innocently ask me "what happened?"
" Are you okay?"
I dont say a word and hold you so tight than ever.
And you say" Rahul you are hurting me?"
I say after losing  my grip
"   You know the way you look right now and the way i am looking at you, i want this to stay like this forever. "
And i hold you back in my arms and i remember calmness , not a sound. I dont know how long i have been like this.

Then i wake up suddenly and i find myself in my bed. Its dark and 3'o clock in night says my watch!

And i dont feel like sleeping again so i take a round and get on my study table to remind me of Rahul Sharma and what all he did, his bravery and goals. He's is my hero and good thing is that I am him!

I want you, Is it hard to believe?

What should be the quality of Life?

Its not redundancy to think about this question as its something we all strive to answer if not now then may be at some other point of time. Seeing is believing but i always remind my self to be in me and not to compromise anything of my ideology over materialistic goals. Life must have a quality even if its purpose is being unattached. Most important are the people who are close to you and give you unconditional love. Of course our priorties are endowed upon them.
Also equally importatant if not less are strangers and i must try to give some value to them. If i could make even one good thing to add quality to their moment they spend with me it would just suffice. They wont even know that i know them for some reasons and touchwood they are still good. Its something i wont be able to tell them just because how it could be communicated. The ephimeral relationship with each person is very distant but they are still intense for me. Even if i try to be most direct and surprsing to them sometimes still there will be a lot more to talk about it. The challange is to understand the unsaid or read between the lines.
So here i am with a caricature of my self when i shake a hand or share a glance. How many times it has happened that i may have not talked with a person for days though i secretly think about them inspite of their first impression of me. Then suddenly i pop up with a very personal question to them or burst out with a intimate laughter or become playful with an observation of mine which i do all the time. They become suprised and that is my price, the best gift.

But what if its about a person whom i think is the only island i live in. That soul is my entire land. Its quite like a rainbow at the same time when its raining!
That is what we call the best quality of life!

Some days have that Intrinsic goodness- Diwali

Its light all around. Diwali frenzie has caught the city in its best way possible. Lights blue, yellow, green , red and ya white too. All of us and them are seemingly very involved in its goodness. Admist all this happiness no sane soul would try and showcase his or her inner lonliness and its shoudnt be done that way. We must try to let go because its a day we should share happiness and only happiness. So its a new day and somehow for me marks the beginning of a new year.
Its very strange that when we are happy we see all the things that way and believe all the things are good that way.
happy diwali