I have collected all the previous posts to a single blog so that i dont loose them and it makes sense to have all common things together. Also right now its exactly 105days and 13 hours i have not been able to see you as i did before and ironically same is the number of posts i have witten since then for you, leave alone the countless no of times by psyche ached for your glimpse.
Anyways its been some time i got the connectivity so here i am back on the track breathing so as to substantiate the fact that i am alive. Yeah i checked my vital signs they seem to be just fine.
Hope you should be doing good!
Now let me take you to my Edwardian Summer in the rainy season as there is a sense of compacency adhered to it. Last week i wrote a letter to a writer after going through his book for which i paid a handsome amount. I mentioned in the letter every nuissance about his style and formation altough i didnt intend to write that much in the begining. I didnt like the mistakes and other things he committed in the work and censured him mercilessly on various accounts ofcourse under the veil of sychophantic adulations.
To my utter disbelief he replied me back and promised me to not to work on his shortcomings and also requested my address so that he can send me his books directly and i can review them for him. Though its not a professional relationship but when i saw the undersigned this guy was a serious hot shot. I mean he was IIT-IIM product and scores of books to his credit.
I never expected the appeciation of my observations from this person over a trivial piece of letter which i had scribbled hastily in some minutes!!!
Woofff! I have decided not to waste my time over other pointless issues and concentrate on serious review writing as a hobby.
Afterall 'writing a book' is on my to do list too.
You are the first once with whom i am sharing this incidence. I was planning to send you the copy of the letter but then i thought i shoud control my emotions as i had already been in so much in trouble with that in your case.
So i have already started working on that book. As far as inpiration is concerned i cant get a better one than you. Dont mind but this is my eternal right and no one can stop me from doing that.
If everything goes right this book will take its shape and size by July next year. To be precise i have completed about 50 pages of my work and i do it mostly after 3 pm till early morning as by that time i mostly complete my routine work. This is an ambitious project just like my TPO job and almost under very similar circumstances.
Its time now so i will hit the table to get the work done and then i will die in my nicely made bed so that i can get lost in the contours of your face as if it was a roller coaster ride rising from the stars falling into the crest of your heart!!!
I MISS YOU
Thursday, July 29, 2010
Sunday, July 11, 2010
perseverance
The one quality you will find indiscriminately among winners is the ability to rise again and again no matter how many times within the acceptance level, they fall. Even if situation is not in their control they are to a very irritable level adamant in perusing what they have faith in.
When things go wrong mediocre people always ask this rhetorical question-
" Why did it happen to me?"
" Why me all the time?"
Which is where the negativity bred in and also ironically positivity lingers!
If any thing 'unsual' which may be 'bad' in a specific context is happening to you it doesnt mean that you are vulnerable to this newer hostile environment. Instead if its you all the time recently find an opportunity in it. You can transform this situation upside down!
And a good thing about optimism is that it is contagious just like Cold! People around you get influenced and will always want to be on your side. Also at a time when there is deficiency crept into the system its almost the right time to take the baton in your hands doesn't matter if its your first time.
So rise up and take charge because that is what is the need of the hour and remember there are some people who will always count on you my SuperChamp!
When things go wrong mediocre people always ask this rhetorical question-
" Why did it happen to me?"
" Why me all the time?"
Which is where the negativity bred in and also ironically positivity lingers!
If any thing 'unsual' which may be 'bad' in a specific context is happening to you it doesnt mean that you are vulnerable to this newer hostile environment. Instead if its you all the time recently find an opportunity in it. You can transform this situation upside down!
And a good thing about optimism is that it is contagious just like Cold! People around you get influenced and will always want to be on your side. Also at a time when there is deficiency crept into the system its almost the right time to take the baton in your hands doesn't matter if its your first time.
So rise up and take charge because that is what is the need of the hour and remember there are some people who will always count on you my SuperChamp!
Saturday, July 10, 2010
ab to har roz yahi soch ke hum uthte hain
tera chehra kahin ik baar nazar aa jaye
aur har shab hum yahi soch ke ab sote hain
tu dabe paon khwab mein kahin chala aaye
jis ghadi tujhse pehli baar aankh takrayi aisa laga mujhme zindagi aayi
hath phir zehen mein hathon se tere takraye
der tak ab jism se mere teri khushboo aayi
dil ne yoon tujhse mulaqat ke saare lamhe
tujhko maaloom hi nahi...
kitni baar dohraye
ishq ne tere hame jeene ka dhang sikhlaya
ik naye andaz mein khud humse humko milwaya
in dino jab bhi kabhi maine aaina dekha
apne chehre pe kahin kuch noor sa paya
ab to maalik se ye din raat dua kare
noor chehre pe ye saari umr ko bas theher jaaye
ab to har roz yahi soch ke hum uthte hain
tera chehra kahin ik baar nazar aa jaye
aur har shab hum yahi soch ke ab sote hain
tu dabe paon khwab mein kahin chala aaye
tera chehra kahin ik baar nazar aa jaye
aur har shab hum yahi soch ke ab sote hain
tu dabe paon khwab mein kahin chala aaye
jis ghadi tujhse pehli baar aankh takrayi aisa laga mujhme zindagi aayi
hath phir zehen mein hathon se tere takraye
der tak ab jism se mere teri khushboo aayi
dil ne yoon tujhse mulaqat ke saare lamhe
tujhko maaloom hi nahi...
kitni baar dohraye
ishq ne tere hame jeene ka dhang sikhlaya
ik naye andaz mein khud humse humko milwaya
in dino jab bhi kabhi maine aaina dekha
apne chehre pe kahin kuch noor sa paya
ab to maalik se ye din raat dua kare
noor chehre pe ye saari umr ko bas theher jaaye
ab to har roz yahi soch ke hum uthte hain
tera chehra kahin ik baar nazar aa jaye
aur har shab hum yahi soch ke ab sote hain
tu dabe paon khwab mein kahin chala aaye
Travis
Once there was this guy named Travis. He always believed he had a greater purpose to be in here as he would gaze stars and watch galaxies on Discovery channel. He would ask himself if there are billions of heavenly bodies around us and we are just one of them how belittling is our existence in this world?
When i am competing against a few classmates of mine, is my being fist or last is going to make any difference?
If me becoming next school Captain going to fetch anything which is still meaningful? Its all confusing. So stopped looking!
Next day after football match he went to library and saw a huge encyclopedia and a brand new Guinness Book of World Records Book full of Photographs. He picked that and began to flip pages. He used to wonder what motivates people to accomplish such unimaginable feats. May they want that their name gets on air or TV, May be really they want be a cynosure. But still whats the point.
Meanwhile his eyes got transfixed on world's most expensive brasserie untill the library teacher twisted his ears and girls on the left corner busted into laughter.
Everything he looked at formulated a newer question for him and he incessantly used to work out for an answer.
He loved Physics and mathematics breathed an air of distinctive masculinity in itself just like football! So he detested chemistry but ironically he enjoyed its lab the most. Once his teacher gave him a bit of sodium and had learned an equation in the previous class that when Na come in contact with H2O it liberates Heat+ Gas. So he dipped it in Sink to blast entire casing with a blasting noise.
Then he got an interesting insight in a music class amidst all rhetoric 'aaroh' and 'abroh'. His teacher brought a music clipping as she worked also as a professional singer in local Doordarshan channel. That music caught his hyperactive mind. For the first time he was able to concentrate in the class for more than 5 min. That music played for full 20 min.
Bang! What was that? It felt so nice.
I mean in a class of 45 minutes Travis made at least 9 comments and constant observation of what others are doing were the things that used to be interesting.
Charlie can testify all that.
Charlie was his best friends. After all some one has to listen what Travis is observing!
" Hey Charlie Neha brings a different napkin everyday with day name written on it, that's Creepy"
" Hey Charlie Arvi got her legs waxed, yesterday they were not!"
" Charlie you know when i was taking that free kick , i literally demolished tinu's nuts , you should have looked at his face."
" You know what charlie our choco boy Davis is new prey of Richa, yesterday i saw him bringing his special and fucking stupid scrapbook to her"
In middle of this maths teacher got upset and busted Charlie.
"Charlie did you solve the question?"
" mmmmm.. nmm....."
" Then why are you laughing"
Travis tilted his notebook and whispered answer in his ears. So Charlie flashed back with an answer and inspired a look of awe among others. That was chemistry between them.
' You watch my back, i watch yours kind off'
Movies were his passion. He got limitless supply from Father Davis in school and Dusyshant Sir in college. Theaters and paintings came on later. Traveling was the best he can ask for. Food you name it he had tasted it. No matter what comes by he cant compromise on art because he hath found it. The answer of all those questions. The aim of life should be broadening of horizon of limited thinking as that is what which can be treasured all the time. Its value is not temporal unlike wealth. But this should not converge with hedonism because it would take a connoisseur and a parvenu to the same level which is unacceptable.
So he went on that path. The path not only chosen by him but also designed and finalized by him. But you know what there was something missing.
Then he met the love of his life. The first time he saw her a strange affinity traversed through his mind which was very different and totally unexpected.
It was an obnoxious rhetoric which rang into his ears. " Have i seen her before?"
" Nope"
" Then why is that i cant look in her eyes."
A feeling which never before formulated, materialized in an instant.
It took him a fortnight to understand the phenomenon.
Little by little that sunshine illuminated inspired his soul with that feeling which never caught him even once! So he let that storm pass over but as they say once you are in love that storm never passes, it remains!
It glistens the surface which is an interface between self and outside. You are caught up so good that you cant decide whether to stay or move on. If you stay then you are ruined and if you move then you are bound to be ruined forever.
Travis was in a phase which showed him true colors. His imaginations got so deeper and longer that he felt it was much better to be in that unreal ambiance filled with idealistic love.
That was why that he used to miss her ever when she was already there! I mean dude Travis really got twisted and the worst part was that he liked being that.
Travis always knew that he cannot be wrong with judging people because he never did that in the first place. Sunshine was so beautiful and so much like him that all he looked for was thinking about her and what she may be doing.
But the poor chap didn't saw it coming. He never thought of one possibility.
What if, On a blue moon day she doesn't show up?
May be he didn't wanted to think about it. So he didn't ...
..And it happened!
Remember Murphy law- 'anything that can go wrong will go wrong'
So when it happened it was in stages; then 3 most detestable monsters came to meet him. They were never able see him even once before.
First came the Grief.
He made him miserable. Beat the shit out of him. He used to pretend that she was there near him, may be thinking the same about him. And she will show up. He was waiting for her, just like in Hindi movies the hero gets the beating untill the heroine shows up and then the table are turned. But they are fiction after all and truth hurts. So this Mr. Grief punches him hard, one after another. Travis rises up and gets beaten up again. He asks this question to himself between consecutive lashings.
" Why did i let myself love you" and then hope comes up and he say a contradictory statement-
" I know she's gonna come , she too loves me and she will come for sure , may be some other commitments she might have had"
" Commitments, look dude, i understand them but you should see your face. Look at you, what you were and what you've become"
Second came the Fear
He messed with his soul. The most priced possession of Travis was his fearlessness. His tenacity and candidness. Fear tried to snatch it from him.
Third came the Pain
Pain was not new to Travis, he had confronted it many times. But this time he got the real glimpse of it. Every time he tried to come near to her love, only despair and guilt came to him.
They all were gone then. Left him lacerated and in his own blood and sweat he cringed for some ground. Some sort of relief.
He recalled the purpose and he rose again. Travis stood on his feet to mark a new beginning.
He was stronger than ever before.
He drank his own blood and tears and licked his wounds.
He has to show that he was hit but not down yet. So he gathered all that he got and ran and ran harder towards his Goal. No matter how hard his outer environment messed with him he still will run on the path designed him.
You must be thinking what was that goal.
It was a new way alto-get-her.
He was running hard towards the Sun.
To get what he can't live without.
She was SUNSHINE!
When i am competing against a few classmates of mine, is my being fist or last is going to make any difference?
If me becoming next school Captain going to fetch anything which is still meaningful? Its all confusing. So stopped looking!
Next day after football match he went to library and saw a huge encyclopedia and a brand new Guinness Book of World Records Book full of Photographs. He picked that and began to flip pages. He used to wonder what motivates people to accomplish such unimaginable feats. May they want that their name gets on air or TV, May be really they want be a cynosure. But still whats the point.
Meanwhile his eyes got transfixed on world's most expensive brasserie untill the library teacher twisted his ears and girls on the left corner busted into laughter.
Everything he looked at formulated a newer question for him and he incessantly used to work out for an answer.
He loved Physics and mathematics breathed an air of distinctive masculinity in itself just like football! So he detested chemistry but ironically he enjoyed its lab the most. Once his teacher gave him a bit of sodium and had learned an equation in the previous class that when Na come in contact with H2O it liberates Heat+ Gas. So he dipped it in Sink to blast entire casing with a blasting noise.
Then he got an interesting insight in a music class amidst all rhetoric 'aaroh' and 'abroh'. His teacher brought a music clipping as she worked also as a professional singer in local Doordarshan channel. That music caught his hyperactive mind. For the first time he was able to concentrate in the class for more than 5 min. That music played for full 20 min.
Bang! What was that? It felt so nice.
I mean in a class of 45 minutes Travis made at least 9 comments and constant observation of what others are doing were the things that used to be interesting.
Charlie can testify all that.
Charlie was his best friends. After all some one has to listen what Travis is observing!
" Hey Charlie Neha brings a different napkin everyday with day name written on it, that's Creepy"
" Hey Charlie Arvi got her legs waxed, yesterday they were not!"
" Charlie you know when i was taking that free kick , i literally demolished tinu's nuts , you should have looked at his face."
" You know what charlie our choco boy Davis is new prey of Richa, yesterday i saw him bringing his special and fucking stupid scrapbook to her"
In middle of this maths teacher got upset and busted Charlie.
"Charlie did you solve the question?"
" mmmmm.. nmm....."
" Then why are you laughing"
Travis tilted his notebook and whispered answer in his ears. So Charlie flashed back with an answer and inspired a look of awe among others. That was chemistry between them.
' You watch my back, i watch yours kind off'
Movies were his passion. He got limitless supply from Father Davis in school and Dusyshant Sir in college. Theaters and paintings came on later. Traveling was the best he can ask for. Food you name it he had tasted it. No matter what comes by he cant compromise on art because he hath found it. The answer of all those questions. The aim of life should be broadening of horizon of limited thinking as that is what which can be treasured all the time. Its value is not temporal unlike wealth. But this should not converge with hedonism because it would take a connoisseur and a parvenu to the same level which is unacceptable.
So he went on that path. The path not only chosen by him but also designed and finalized by him. But you know what there was something missing.
Then he met the love of his life. The first time he saw her a strange affinity traversed through his mind which was very different and totally unexpected.
It was an obnoxious rhetoric which rang into his ears. " Have i seen her before?"
" Nope"
" Then why is that i cant look in her eyes."
A feeling which never before formulated, materialized in an instant.
It took him a fortnight to understand the phenomenon.
Little by little that sunshine illuminated inspired his soul with that feeling which never caught him even once! So he let that storm pass over but as they say once you are in love that storm never passes, it remains!
It glistens the surface which is an interface between self and outside. You are caught up so good that you cant decide whether to stay or move on. If you stay then you are ruined and if you move then you are bound to be ruined forever.
Travis was in a phase which showed him true colors. His imaginations got so deeper and longer that he felt it was much better to be in that unreal ambiance filled with idealistic love.
That was why that he used to miss her ever when she was already there! I mean dude Travis really got twisted and the worst part was that he liked being that.
Travis always knew that he cannot be wrong with judging people because he never did that in the first place. Sunshine was so beautiful and so much like him that all he looked for was thinking about her and what she may be doing.
But the poor chap didn't saw it coming. He never thought of one possibility.
What if, On a blue moon day she doesn't show up?
May be he didn't wanted to think about it. So he didn't ...
..And it happened!
Remember Murphy law- 'anything that can go wrong will go wrong'
So when it happened it was in stages; then 3 most detestable monsters came to meet him. They were never able see him even once before.
First came the Grief.
He made him miserable. Beat the shit out of him. He used to pretend that she was there near him, may be thinking the same about him. And she will show up. He was waiting for her, just like in Hindi movies the hero gets the beating untill the heroine shows up and then the table are turned. But they are fiction after all and truth hurts. So this Mr. Grief punches him hard, one after another. Travis rises up and gets beaten up again. He asks this question to himself between consecutive lashings.
" Why did i let myself love you" and then hope comes up and he say a contradictory statement-
" I know she's gonna come , she too loves me and she will come for sure , may be some other commitments she might have had"
" Commitments, look dude, i understand them but you should see your face. Look at you, what you were and what you've become"
Second came the Fear
He messed with his soul. The most priced possession of Travis was his fearlessness. His tenacity and candidness. Fear tried to snatch it from him.
Third came the Pain
Pain was not new to Travis, he had confronted it many times. But this time he got the real glimpse of it. Every time he tried to come near to her love, only despair and guilt came to him.
They all were gone then. Left him lacerated and in his own blood and sweat he cringed for some ground. Some sort of relief.
He recalled the purpose and he rose again. Travis stood on his feet to mark a new beginning.
He was stronger than ever before.
He drank his own blood and tears and licked his wounds.
He has to show that he was hit but not down yet. So he gathered all that he got and ran and ran harder towards his Goal. No matter how hard his outer environment messed with him he still will run on the path designed him.
You must be thinking what was that goal.
It was a new way alto-get-her.
He was running hard towards the Sun.
To get what he can't live without.
She was SUNSHINE!
Friday, July 9, 2010
Birthday
Two of you, most special in my life, my bro and you share the same birthday. As it came to me i tried to approach the day with a certain distinctiveness so that i can feel how a birthday can be special. I mean what is the difference between this day and other days.
Let me guess how it connects. Mmmm. first things first, it makes you cognizant of the fact that you have grown by an year.
Your social networking accounts makes you aware of the same fact. Though i dont believe in any quality input from them apart from bickering on irrevelant topics and ya if anyone say they can find lost friends then that is somehting i wont buy as if one really is looking for a friend you always find them. I mean what is offered on a platter is generally not that placating! I saw this french movie long time ago 'Amelie', if thats the name of the movie but the actress was same thats for sure. The point is that she finds her childhood love fighting in a gruesome war accross the borders somewhere even though she was differently abled!
One good thing about these sites is that you find business and can do a lot of swaggering by projecting yourself as someone which you never are!
Any ways if birthdays are special then it depends on the time when it comes. See if anyone recalls that nursery birthday then surely the experience is so invigourating that one may wanna go back in time. Wearing that 'colour dress' as we called it then and standing first in the file and relaxation in HW assignments and all.
In high school birthday was about some big gift from daddy's pocket may be a bike or some gadget. Now, when we are grown up the priorities are changed and we begin to treasure other things say who among our near ones remembers it and about future and where we should be and so on.
But this too is not a generalised opinion among different people. If i talk about my birthday i dont expect any friend should rememer it as i dont remember theirs. I dont know when was gogi, pavan or baccha were born! The truth is that i am weak in remember dates!
So most importantly what is impeding on oneself is to be grateful for the day as your life must have a purpose. Some task maybe for which you have travelled another year through the life. And living is not vegetating after all! What are those questions that we must ask ourselfs?
May it be too hard to do that when you must be enjoying for the day.
So wish you a very Happy Birthday and i should let you know that your existence has reincarnated me and hence acquiesed to solve a purpose!
Let me guess how it connects. Mmmm. first things first, it makes you cognizant of the fact that you have grown by an year.
Your social networking accounts makes you aware of the same fact. Though i dont believe in any quality input from them apart from bickering on irrevelant topics and ya if anyone say they can find lost friends then that is somehting i wont buy as if one really is looking for a friend you always find them. I mean what is offered on a platter is generally not that placating! I saw this french movie long time ago 'Amelie', if thats the name of the movie but the actress was same thats for sure. The point is that she finds her childhood love fighting in a gruesome war accross the borders somewhere even though she was differently abled!
One good thing about these sites is that you find business and can do a lot of swaggering by projecting yourself as someone which you never are!
Any ways if birthdays are special then it depends on the time when it comes. See if anyone recalls that nursery birthday then surely the experience is so invigourating that one may wanna go back in time. Wearing that 'colour dress' as we called it then and standing first in the file and relaxation in HW assignments and all.
In high school birthday was about some big gift from daddy's pocket may be a bike or some gadget. Now, when we are grown up the priorities are changed and we begin to treasure other things say who among our near ones remembers it and about future and where we should be and so on.
But this too is not a generalised opinion among different people. If i talk about my birthday i dont expect any friend should rememer it as i dont remember theirs. I dont know when was gogi, pavan or baccha were born! The truth is that i am weak in remember dates!
So most importantly what is impeding on oneself is to be grateful for the day as your life must have a purpose. Some task maybe for which you have travelled another year through the life. And living is not vegetating after all! What are those questions that we must ask ourselfs?
May it be too hard to do that when you must be enjoying for the day.
So wish you a very Happy Birthday and i should let you know that your existence has reincarnated me and hence acquiesed to solve a purpose!
Wednesday, July 7, 2010
Opening Rituals
Haah.. Its been some time that i'm done with some change management and that its monsoon already i preassume that this series will definitely find you in a different way. Also for the sake of breaking the routine, the phegmatic monotony was like that of a stuck rusty shaft which needs some grease ( pardon my mechanics). Also after all that whinning, hue and cry about all that is lost and forlorn beloveds, its quite impending upon me to let go and start all afresh!
You are in my veins and no matter what would the height of my idosyncratic behaviour makes you or for that matter the cold world outside, feels about it nothing can change it. My feeling about you are more or less like that of montrous Hulk( Movie buff cant help it!), the more resistance one offers the more stronger my convictions grows. No matter how grotesque may be the plans of destiny i will not succumb to its devious plans; i know i'll succeed as i am tracing You.
You are in my veins and no matter what would the height of my idosyncratic behaviour makes you or for that matter the cold world outside, feels about it nothing can change it. My feeling about you are more or less like that of montrous Hulk( Movie buff cant help it!), the more resistance one offers the more stronger my convictions grows. No matter how grotesque may be the plans of destiny i will not succumb to its devious plans; i know i'll succeed as i am tracing You.
Opening Rituals
Haah.. Its been some time that i'm done with some change management and that its monsoon already i preassume that this series will definitely find you in a different way. Also for the sake of breaking the routine, the phegmatic monotony was like that of a stuck rusty shaft which needs some grease ( pardon my mechanics). Also after all that whinning, hue and cry about all that is lost and forlorn beloveds, its quite impending upon me to let go and start all afresh!
You are in my veins and no matter what would the height of my idosyncratic behaviour makes you or for that matter the cold world outside, feels about it nothing can change it. My feeling about you are more or less like that of montrous Hulk( Movie buff cant help it!), the more resistance one offers the more stronger my convictions grows. No matter how grotesque may be the plans of destiny i will all those becuase i know i am tracing you.
You are in my veins and no matter what would the height of my idosyncratic behaviour makes you or for that matter the cold world outside, feels about it nothing can change it. My feeling about you are more or less like that of montrous Hulk( Movie buff cant help it!), the more resistance one offers the more stronger my convictions grows. No matter how grotesque may be the plans of destiny i will all those becuase i know i am tracing you.
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