Its almost like prying into deep and hollow spaces of tender cores of your heart. Deep recesses of simple beats sometimes too difficult to read. I try to hear you with patience and after some initial frustations i start to hear them- pure, crytal and clear. Your heart beats- dig.... dig.... dig.... dig... thumping all the time ringing for me and i know that.
You might say how do i know it or you might think that i am crazy as this is not the way to reciprocate to me. Dont think that its that simple a phenomenon that we've got into. Even i dont know how many time a day do i talk to you. Asking small things from you, telling every thing i do, making my presence known to you, confessing my love to you all the time.
And you do the same no matter now just to irritate me you will say "'nay' i dont do that"
I also heard you saying last night that you have given a thought about me and have left it on just the time and how it decides for us. I just couldnt agree more.
It sometimes pains me that i dont know what you might be thinking right now as you are reading things or to be true whether you are reading this. No sign at all. But i would just hope otherwise.
Never before did i felt such longing for a person as i felt for you. I tried to convince myself whenever that it really doesnt matter how are you reacting now; may be its not the right time. Well those are the things of yore now and i dont like to think about them.
All i want to do is to think the other way; the way i think we should have spent time now much closer to each other. I am not lament of what is lost nor i am trying to live for future but as people say its best to say in the present; what is good about present when it doesnt have you in person like the way i wanted and the way you wanted me.
You have in numerous ways have revealed your love for me and i almost all the time had sensed that. But understand me; i have inspite of understanding your verbal or non verbal cues, didnt spoke a word about it. Every time i talked to you,for the first time in life i realised that i can also love someone like i have loved you and will love you forever for that.
That soft and panicky side of myself i had never seen before. I had never felf a feeling of fear never before in my life.
You brought rainbow in my blue sky and have always tried to be your moon. Its truth that i tried but my direct ways had sometimes hurt you and believe me it hurts me too that way.
So what does this silence entails?
Its a question i dont want an answer now and may be i wish that i dont read what i do write ever again beacause these words would remind be of time when i am shackled with what they say is 'i dont know the word'.
Nor i would waste my time thereupon to know why this time; this very moment has lost, not i would try to understand the plausibility of this pain inflicted on us. Nor i would think about unthinkable distance of yours from me.
But i know one thing if its written that you are to be with me then no one can change this not ever time and also if that is not written i ll make sure that i write it. And that is not new for me to do.
Good luck
sweeet honey moonmun! haah.
Friday, October 8, 2010
Thursday, October 7, 2010
sweetness
Every now and then my heart fills up with lots of love for you- Unimaginable, continuous and very fluffy,very very much. Then what i do is to wallow in inside you and i am so kinda come light. So light that i fly. I just cant put in words and it frustates me because i want to show what i had thought about just now or then. Somenight when we would be settled under the moon i could just hope i recall what all i had thought about.
I want to tell you that memory may also have some limitations but i just hope i could do everything for you just at the spur of moment.
Stay happy
my sweetness my sunshine!
~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~
I want to tell you that memory may also have some limitations but i just hope i could do everything for you just at the spur of moment.
Stay happy
my sweetness my sunshine!
~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~
Wednesday, October 6, 2010
182 days, 14 hrs and 2 minutes
How do you feel when you dont have even shredded piece of info of what the one you think about all the time doesnt reciprocate. Its not that i except the same but there is a certain humane to it, at least. I sometimes wish i were a robot who doesnt feel a bit.
When you commit someone from heart no matter how deep you in quagmire you reciprocate in some form. Hope i dont feel like this again.
And its 182 days, 14 hrs and 2 minutes now since then!
Good for satanic interventions and endless suffering for me.
When you commit someone from heart no matter how deep you in quagmire you reciprocate in some form. Hope i dont feel like this again.
And its 182 days, 14 hrs and 2 minutes now since then!
Good for satanic interventions and endless suffering for me.
A matter of Interpretation
In a reply to my post at ndtv about overtly biased viewpoint of upper middle class grownups of supposedly threat to their young female members outside home in a uncontrolled environment say a public bus or a movie theater etc. I had used several facts to reinforce my hupothesis about this paranoia and commented on how it curbs to the development of an all round personality of such off-springs. And this woman,who claimed outside world to be disgusting for them all together retorted with unsupported,judgemental and personal views.
Later when i very calmly gave reply to her email and thereby soliciting facts to prove it; it came out that he had a history of several 'not so good' experiences regarding the subject. That is tragic but she now superimposes the same situation with similar variables in case of her young daughter that too 15 years since then. She had newspaper and channel newitems to quote which i replied as sporadiac and downplayed their effect to this situation. Later i had to give her certain links to the same subject to make her understand the gravity of the situation.
It was disturbing to me to see anyone so facilely blur the distinction between the observations and interpretations and then even go so far as to make numerous deductions without the slightest shred of evidence. When I was very young and did not “see” what seemed obvious to adults, I often thought I was stupid and unsuited for science. Now I sometimes wonder if that is why I make progress. I see the ability to invent interconnections as no advantage whatsoever where the discovery of truth is the objective.
There are those who believe that science consists entirely of disproving alternative hypotheses, as if when you eliminate the alternative views, the one you have left is right. The problem is that there is no way to think of all the possible hypotheses that nature can devise. More than that, you have to prove which is the most reasonable. But any one hypothesis can, with a limited data set, be reasonable. There is at least a touch of truth in the idea that any variable affects another. If you look long and determinedly enough you will find that almost any variable element you choose to examine apparently affects the behavior you are studying. You have to be able to skim over what is not important or relevant to your problem, and to concentrate long enough on the prime movers to unearth sufficient facts that, presuming they are recognized, add up to something.
Later when i very calmly gave reply to her email and thereby soliciting facts to prove it; it came out that he had a history of several 'not so good' experiences regarding the subject. That is tragic but she now superimposes the same situation with similar variables in case of her young daughter that too 15 years since then. She had newspaper and channel newitems to quote which i replied as sporadiac and downplayed their effect to this situation. Later i had to give her certain links to the same subject to make her understand the gravity of the situation.
It was disturbing to me to see anyone so facilely blur the distinction between the observations and interpretations and then even go so far as to make numerous deductions without the slightest shred of evidence. When I was very young and did not “see” what seemed obvious to adults, I often thought I was stupid and unsuited for science. Now I sometimes wonder if that is why I make progress. I see the ability to invent interconnections as no advantage whatsoever where the discovery of truth is the objective.
There are those who believe that science consists entirely of disproving alternative hypotheses, as if when you eliminate the alternative views, the one you have left is right. The problem is that there is no way to think of all the possible hypotheses that nature can devise. More than that, you have to prove which is the most reasonable. But any one hypothesis can, with a limited data set, be reasonable. There is at least a touch of truth in the idea that any variable affects another. If you look long and determinedly enough you will find that almost any variable element you choose to examine apparently affects the behavior you are studying. You have to be able to skim over what is not important or relevant to your problem, and to concentrate long enough on the prime movers to unearth sufficient facts that, presuming they are recognized, add up to something.
Monday, October 4, 2010
Confessions
Last week was very happening from the viewpoint of every avid Indian Citizen. Babri Majid- Ramjanmbhoomi verdict,Opening of CWG-Delhi and Gandhi Jayanti.
These three incidents though dont have any interconnection but what is most interesting is the pretext of their occurence.
It is not more than an irony that a man of Character as of Ram was used as a pretext of riots and needless voilence in India. He if in person would be looking from above must have cried at the situation so tragic and full of injustice. Ram can be conferred as Iqbal- E- Hind as it was told to me by Mrs. Uma Dubey mam' some years back. I to find my view point devoured entire Ramcharitramanas to identify diffrences and similarites between him and Krishna. Though the incarnations of the same - Vishnu both have their own charisma. Women identify themselves more with Krishna because of his very heartwarming and cute image of a plump child. Also Krishna literature has described love in very profound and fullfilling way. His dialogues with Gopi and their unconditional love is most cherished in a veriety of ways to me.
Its said that entire wealth of the universe falls short infront of Unconditional love. When krishna used to play the flute entire set of gopi's used to leave their work as it is. Some of them were also married but their incessant love for krishna made them forgetful of their present conciousness. This one to many function with carnal pleasures' interdepedency is the most profound example of the same feelings.
Its also said that such love is very hard to get these days when the societal maze has got interwined with aspirations and other materialistic commitments and ego;but i strongly disaprove of this. Ofcourse this may be true in a number of cases but that finding cannot be superimposed to my or any other case. This argument is true if i give an example to make it lucid.
Consider this-" 10 people have played with my trust in a variety of way so this 11th person will also do the same." This is insane.
Or this one" 20 love marriages have failed in my vicinity so doing a love marriage is a risky business."
If we do an indepth analysis of Ram one would find a very serene demeanour with a charishma deemed to the priciples of equality,justice and compassion. He was like any other human faced troubles and also sometimes broke with emotions. When laxman grew unconcious with the strike of malfluous 'nagpash', he almost gave into the pressure and grief. But important is his commitment and a will to rise up. When he was newly coronated as Prince of Ayodhya he solemnly accepted the ill wish of his other mother Kekai and moved to Jungle. He was never accosted with a feeling of revenge for what was done to him. He was on the otherhand more filled with love for his brother Bharat. He always choose right methods to achieve and with much efforts he found what he deserved.
If someone uses extreme voilence and blodshedding measures for a piece of land then definitely he doesnt know a bit of what Ram was like. New India is young and more reasonable in their actions and they have shown that inspite of inclusion of various western tendencies they have only grown reasonable on grave issues. This cant be termed as indifference of young people about the subject as some would profess but it is more about learning from the past.
Coming to Gandhi- i recalled his serious effort named - " My Experiments with Truth". This non fiction item is very artfully crafted with all this candid experiences about what he did and how he should have done them. We too feel that sometimes after we write an exam but hopelessly that learning doesnt carry forward. Gandhi like any other young man failed many a times on the issues with self control- whether in speech or behaviour. His experience abroad and with Kasturbai are hilarious when they start off but one becomes mesmerised with ability to describe them in detail after he became 'Mahatamai in India. No one would want that his or her wrong doings should come up after he or she has been acknowledged as a Good Chap! But Gandhi almost like a true gentleman confessed each of things which he thought were wrong.
Its like you have won the race but now you dont want to discuss about your real intensions. Gandhi was a very coomon man in his appearances and behaviour early on. Its true because he himself didnt thought that he was to become the father of the Nation one day. But some incidences made him learn quicky. He evolved the philosophy of non -voilence and endless compassion. He would urge people to waive of all the ill thoughts you have for other people beacause they did something wrong to you; on the other hand love your enemy, feed them if they are hungry! Think that they are just 'ignorant' of what they are doing and they are lost souls.
Its idealist and away from reality, i thought early on but its a very amazing feeling to forgive people. I tried it some times it feels good.
Give it a try!!!
It works!!!
These three incidents though dont have any interconnection but what is most interesting is the pretext of their occurence.
It is not more than an irony that a man of Character as of Ram was used as a pretext of riots and needless voilence in India. He if in person would be looking from above must have cried at the situation so tragic and full of injustice. Ram can be conferred as Iqbal- E- Hind as it was told to me by Mrs. Uma Dubey mam' some years back. I to find my view point devoured entire Ramcharitramanas to identify diffrences and similarites between him and Krishna. Though the incarnations of the same - Vishnu both have their own charisma. Women identify themselves more with Krishna because of his very heartwarming and cute image of a plump child. Also Krishna literature has described love in very profound and fullfilling way. His dialogues with Gopi and their unconditional love is most cherished in a veriety of ways to me.
Its said that entire wealth of the universe falls short infront of Unconditional love. When krishna used to play the flute entire set of gopi's used to leave their work as it is. Some of them were also married but their incessant love for krishna made them forgetful of their present conciousness. This one to many function with carnal pleasures' interdepedency is the most profound example of the same feelings.
Its also said that such love is very hard to get these days when the societal maze has got interwined with aspirations and other materialistic commitments and ego;but i strongly disaprove of this. Ofcourse this may be true in a number of cases but that finding cannot be superimposed to my or any other case. This argument is true if i give an example to make it lucid.
Consider this-" 10 people have played with my trust in a variety of way so this 11th person will also do the same." This is insane.
Or this one" 20 love marriages have failed in my vicinity so doing a love marriage is a risky business."
If we do an indepth analysis of Ram one would find a very serene demeanour with a charishma deemed to the priciples of equality,justice and compassion. He was like any other human faced troubles and also sometimes broke with emotions. When laxman grew unconcious with the strike of malfluous 'nagpash', he almost gave into the pressure and grief. But important is his commitment and a will to rise up. When he was newly coronated as Prince of Ayodhya he solemnly accepted the ill wish of his other mother Kekai and moved to Jungle. He was never accosted with a feeling of revenge for what was done to him. He was on the otherhand more filled with love for his brother Bharat. He always choose right methods to achieve and with much efforts he found what he deserved.
If someone uses extreme voilence and blodshedding measures for a piece of land then definitely he doesnt know a bit of what Ram was like. New India is young and more reasonable in their actions and they have shown that inspite of inclusion of various western tendencies they have only grown reasonable on grave issues. This cant be termed as indifference of young people about the subject as some would profess but it is more about learning from the past.
Coming to Gandhi- i recalled his serious effort named - " My Experiments with Truth". This non fiction item is very artfully crafted with all this candid experiences about what he did and how he should have done them. We too feel that sometimes after we write an exam but hopelessly that learning doesnt carry forward. Gandhi like any other young man failed many a times on the issues with self control- whether in speech or behaviour. His experience abroad and with Kasturbai are hilarious when they start off but one becomes mesmerised with ability to describe them in detail after he became 'Mahatamai in India. No one would want that his or her wrong doings should come up after he or she has been acknowledged as a Good Chap! But Gandhi almost like a true gentleman confessed each of things which he thought were wrong.
Its like you have won the race but now you dont want to discuss about your real intensions. Gandhi was a very coomon man in his appearances and behaviour early on. Its true because he himself didnt thought that he was to become the father of the Nation one day. But some incidences made him learn quicky. He evolved the philosophy of non -voilence and endless compassion. He would urge people to waive of all the ill thoughts you have for other people beacause they did something wrong to you; on the other hand love your enemy, feed them if they are hungry! Think that they are just 'ignorant' of what they are doing and they are lost souls.
Its idealist and away from reality, i thought early on but its a very amazing feeling to forgive people. I tried it some times it feels good.
Give it a try!!!
It works!!!
Sunday, October 3, 2010
Psychometric Cerebral Test
Cerebral Personality Test Results |
personality tests by similarminds.com
Friday, October 1, 2010
jammutavi
After this i got my computer back from the vendor i find some time again to ruminate over some of the instances which are quite noteworthy.
So it was a couple of year ago i happened to be in Pune after the college was over. I thought before going to home i must clear my head of farewell frenzie. And Pune didnt dissapointment me at all. On the pretence of attending a mass communication programme at prestigious symbiosis i packed my bag and hopped on Garib Rath! - the infamous train to the famous destination. I sat on the allocated seat and found enough crowd to pass the time. Faces- different ones. Dark,tanned, clear , fair and pale- Wrinkled Old ones, Clear young ones , sullen faces, bright faces. Every face had a story and their conversation giving me a glipse of their seemingly same but different lifes.
Trains have a story every time i got on ; especially long distance ones. Jammu Tavi is one of them. How can i forget that Punjabi old lady from Haryana. When in Jan we headed for jammu and Guptaji asked a very innocuous and rhetorical question-" Jammu wich dhand kitni hogi?" The the woman bearing a sikh knife and white Kurta replied coyly " Munde bohat dhand padiya si". I dont know why that simple answer give me a lot about her life. When we did a lot of talking about chandigarh and other places. We helped her with her luggage. When she left us; she said something amazing. " puttar kabhi ludhiyana aayo to is address wich jaroor aana." She gave the V-card of her son which i put in my wallet with an assuring smile to the old lady. When we got down at some anonymous station before jammu. I saw people were picking up 'mooli' from vegetations. I took out my wallet to see something and i caught some view of that V-card. It was like this-
" Late- Harpreet Singh
Ludhiyana Hockey Team '05
20- jalpari colony, vasant road
Ludhiyana"
It was her son, her only son she was talking about all the time. About how he is a super hockey player. She told me that he the best in Ludhiyana and since he is playing a match so he cant come to pick her up from the station. She did all the talking about her son to the point which made us bored of him. The guy who was already dead. And i could not guess for a single moment about that situation.
I remember i felt a huge lump in my throat to the point that i was not able to take anything inside. I felt what was that; why it has to happen that way and so on. I saw the face of horror . I understood what can be the definition of loss. Someone you love so much that his or her presence or absence looses the importance and ...................
Contd.
So it was a couple of year ago i happened to be in Pune after the college was over. I thought before going to home i must clear my head of farewell frenzie. And Pune didnt dissapointment me at all. On the pretence of attending a mass communication programme at prestigious symbiosis i packed my bag and hopped on Garib Rath! - the infamous train to the famous destination. I sat on the allocated seat and found enough crowd to pass the time. Faces- different ones. Dark,tanned, clear , fair and pale- Wrinkled Old ones, Clear young ones , sullen faces, bright faces. Every face had a story and their conversation giving me a glipse of their seemingly same but different lifes.
Trains have a story every time i got on ; especially long distance ones. Jammu Tavi is one of them. How can i forget that Punjabi old lady from Haryana. When in Jan we headed for jammu and Guptaji asked a very innocuous and rhetorical question-" Jammu wich dhand kitni hogi?" The the woman bearing a sikh knife and white Kurta replied coyly " Munde bohat dhand padiya si". I dont know why that simple answer give me a lot about her life. When we did a lot of talking about chandigarh and other places. We helped her with her luggage. When she left us; she said something amazing. " puttar kabhi ludhiyana aayo to is address wich jaroor aana." She gave the V-card of her son which i put in my wallet with an assuring smile to the old lady. When we got down at some anonymous station before jammu. I saw people were picking up 'mooli' from vegetations. I took out my wallet to see something and i caught some view of that V-card. It was like this-
" Late- Harpreet Singh
Ludhiyana Hockey Team '05
20- jalpari colony, vasant road
Ludhiyana"
It was her son, her only son she was talking about all the time. About how he is a super hockey player. She told me that he the best in Ludhiyana and since he is playing a match so he cant come to pick her up from the station. She did all the talking about her son to the point which made us bored of him. The guy who was already dead. And i could not guess for a single moment about that situation.
I remember i felt a huge lump in my throat to the point that i was not able to take anything inside. I felt what was that; why it has to happen that way and so on. I saw the face of horror . I understood what can be the definition of loss. Someone you love so much that his or her presence or absence looses the importance and ...................
Contd.
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