2 months

As i write this it will be exact 2 months that i 'll be sleeping without hearing a lullaby from you. It’s said that when someone's voice becomes so much important for you and you miss it so much that you try to always hit the source for it. Eyes try to get that sense of familiarity which you would like to melt within. That face which endowed you with something I never felt before.
I am confused! I really am.
Because this one time in my life i have to compromise with something and this time its my life. You came so close and that too very silently. You touched my heart and touched my soul.Every hope and composition of my day, inadvertently got so much intertwined with that of yours that now when you are not here everything collapses just like a palace of cards. Just like that!

Now when i am cognizant of the present situation,its complexity kills me from inside every day when i wake up. Because when i wake and keep by legs on the floor,i think of you doing the same!

I respect you for what you are doing and taking the flak from every side just to serve the righteous path! And i also know that i am not so much strong to do the
same and thats the reason i make mistakes. I am vulnerable every time when i think of you missing me but not telling it!

My frivolous attempts to get your voice in my ears may have caused you a lot of trouble. There were infinite times when i deleted and then again restored your number, just to not bother you as my fingers doesnt listen to me when i see your name in my cell. I buried your photos seven folders deep in C drive of my laptop just to avoid our virtual rendezvous every now and then when it was on desktop. But believe me there were nights all together when i like a moron go deep and find you out. Funny i one time also measured how much time did it take to find you after seven folders. Wanna know how much 1.21 secs said my mobile.

I have crossed the lines of stupidity as i now find that i had rehearsed about 200 ocassions; the way how i ll meet you next time and what i am gonna do just to make you smile.

You would ask is it worth it!

You know what i ll say..



EVERY BIT OF IT.

Because i think that remembering you is the best gift my stupid revelations have give to me.

I also think about how hard it must be for you and how are you dealing with it but i truly apologize for what changes you now have to face in your lifestyle because of me. I understand how is it to live when your freedom is choked. I also know that you are not explicitly telling it to your close ones for it. And you think silently complying them is the best that you can do.

Well honestly i never so this coming. I owe you for the things that you have done for me. I ll respect you for that always. I am responsible for all this mess which has piled up. So its my job now to take care of it; so i will take every step towards this purpose.

I think you are wonderful student. Hardworking, smart and determined as you are, put in all your efforts in the right direction. Don't let it be a spoilsport because of me as i would never be able to bear this thought.
I have always thought about your career very seriously as i saw the very first time in your eyes. All this time from the school to college you've consistently
put in efforts to make every around proud.
So Never compromise with the dream which you have seen even if its me or for that matter anyone else. Even if you have to fight against obligation of the self or emotions. I'll be there for you.

I dont want that some years down the line after its all done some people say that our love is immature.

So i would want it to happen the other way. Lets set an example as they say every problem can be converted into an opportunity. I ll have to extend some more control in me for that. Really have set some goals.

Dont have the focus really now whether i should tell you about them now or i should wait for some time as i am tired of giving you the information of my failure every time. This time i want to change that.

Its hard to come to a conclusion that whether i should see you now as i want it more that any thing else. But i am afraid that after you would be gone when will the next time that i ll see you.
The more i come close to you the more i want it. Am addicted to you. Cant live without you and also cant meet you.

Oh god just help me sail through this storm. The turbulence is killing and my boat is broken.