“Are you aware of my condition?”
“Ya every time I see you.”
“So you know it.”
“Ya it’s amnesia. Is it?”
“Its not amnesia. It’s just that since the accident I can’t form new memories. I mean I remember everything that I did till that time like writing, driving and so forth.”
“What is it that you remember?”
“She is the one that I only remember”
“What is about her that you recall.”
“It’s like waking, every small detail which combines to form an experience of an individual life. Then you think about how these moments have registered unconsciously in your mind.
Just like some snapshots into the oblivion. They are close ups mostly. Whenever I think of her my attention gets transferred totally from what is real. So much that it becomes hard to find what is real and what is she.
She isn’t here. She isn’t real, says my brain. But I m too reluctant to acknowledge this fact; fact it is because its established. Almost like a bad joke. Here it right in front of me.
Then those little snippets of memory begin to fade when I m in altercation with my own pragmatic self. I lose and my intelligent self wins.
Then I think of the reason. The reason of my deterioration; the ultimate destruction of my sense of individuality, then I begin to form a picture of one who has taken her from me.
My hibernating self awakes. My lost self begins to rejuvenate. Second by second my gloomy heart begins to thump and it fills itself with rage. I feel the anger growing inside me and its vicious claws binding my every muscle with the sole purpose of destruction of him. Can feel and think of any one else. Hatred is all over me and revenge is what I want.
I will find him and I will kill him.
He will beg for what he has done and will repent when I bereave him of every single drop of his blood.”
“I donno what to say! I mean I m a God fearing person and all that but after listening to you and your condition. Just filled up with so much; its agonizing. All of it.
Just stay put. I know it’s hard to comment on this but …. Just don’t be so hard on yourself.”
“Huhh... Even if I would like to do so I just can’t help it. It’s again the mental condition”
“Oh Crap!”
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